Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
作为一个看了很多超英电影的人，看了这部简直笑喷，各种恶搞漫威、无厘头，《触不可及》、漫威经典开头和相似度90%的BGM、电视出现的蚁人、惊奇队长梗、X教授、魔形女、金刚狼、蜘蛛侠倒挂接吻、低配山寨版复仇者联盟、还顺带黑了一把阿汤哥。就是太多荤段子不太喜欢。PS：电影中的道具简直良心，真的可以实现电影中的功能而不是摆设
当初复联打不过灭霸一定是因为没邀请柯南和安室透。 以下正经影评：前半段节奏不错有点惊喜，对比前几部好太多。警校五人组回忆部分看得挺开心，这情怀我吃了。后半段是熟悉的好莱坞大片，不过这凶手着实有点无力吐槽，她一个人能办那么多事呢？我一直以为是有个组织，结果到头来就一个人。。。
年货年年有，今年还可以，涩谷街头十分亲切，而且这是一个人均会俄语的世界
5. 柯南那么牛逼因为他从来都不是为了自己，造福苍生才能成就自我！各国语言都会，简直是有点天人师的境界啊
《毛利大叔出场被ban》
哈哈哈哈这一通恶搞，阿汤哥和巴黎圣母院招谁惹谁了
我真的笑死，直到最后一刻还在反超英。虽然有点恶俗，但确实好久没看过好笑的喜剧了！
女主很美，情节上也有多处翻转，但是笑点不是很多
最好笑俄罗斯人听不懂日语，一字一句说ケイジ以为俄罗斯人就懂了哈哈哈哈
8/10，喜剧效果不错，从头笑到尾，ost也不错，但是剧本上差了些，本来以为会有些对超英的解构结果没有，本身也有不小的漏洞，捏他的这个姥爷形象我也不是很喜欢，但是娱乐放松一下是真的不错
超出预期了吧反正，给四颗星，虽然依旧可以说毫无推理
恶搞了一圈超英，其实也就比以前恶搞大电影稍微好一点的水准。。。不过各种段子还算好笑，弥补了情节上的不足。
还成，除了那个炸弹槽点太多以外，算是近几年逻辑最通顺，推理最靠谱的剧场版了。
远远超出预期的好笑，大概是我今年看过的最棒的喜剧。梗多到数不清，低配版复联，扁福侠，甚至连BGM都神似，太欢乐了。
电影普通通，但回忆杀的安室透和松田太好看了吧
近十年最佳了吧，透透子真的好帅（松田呜呜呜呜呜
三星半。犯人好猜，也有柯学，但整体还是挺紧凑的，近几年观感还不错的一个。
看着很开心啊 很粗俗 很恶搞 但是看着就是很开心啊 看到了漫威 还看到了DC 还有小小的温情
元素太多，没全get到，披着这些点，故事其实很薄弱，搞搞笑啥啥亲情友情线，完了。
1. 作为一个小排球死忠粉，我要给满分！满分！満仲勧的演出实在对于ACTION以及团体作战中个性强调的太有效了。中间警校四人组的合作仿佛回到排球球场，热血至极。2. 虽然最后依然是万能的背带拯救地球，但是还是有几次柯南回归人类。最后故事层次拔高也合格。3. 为了给満仲勧冲KPI，看了两遍。还是好看。
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